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Question

My boyfriend watches porn everyday while masturbating. Is it normal for him to do this while in a relationship because I find it hard to deal with?

Olivia on 02 April 2009 73 Comments

Popular Responses

  • I don't think porn is necessarily about your boyfriend getting off to another woman instead of you. Sure, he's masturbating to it, but I don't think it's a reason to be truly offended. Studies show that being in a healthy relationship where sex is frequent ups both of your libidos so, if you and your partner are regularly enjoying good sex, it's barely surprising that he is masturbating more when you are not there. I know it sounds silly, but in a way, I would take it as a compliment that I had managed to up his sex drive to the extent that he was constantly turned on, even when I wasn't there, and even after some seriously steamy sex sessions between the two of you. I know for a fact that my boyfriend watches porn - we are very open and honest about it. As someone who also watches and gets off to porn myself, I don't think that it is a 'damaging' thing in a relationship, UNLESS it gets to the point that he is choosing to watch porn, but rejecting real sex with you. At this point, I believe there is a fundamental issue with his attitude to girls and sex and this does need to be addressed, as the porn has taken over and given him an unrealistic expectation, that even the most adventurous of girlfriends cannot fulfill. But as for feeling betrayed or jealous? I don't think this is something you need to feel at all. When I watch porn, I am not getting off to the people in the videos, but getting off to the idea of doing what they do to my partner, or having him do it to me. Sure, it seems men are often less fussy with what they find attractive, but I'm pretty certain that a lot of the porn they do watch gets them off from fantasies of living it out themselves with you - the person they are truly sexually attracted to - not some fake breasted, groaning bimbo in the video. Whether we like it or not, porn is a major part of our modern world now. So in my opinion, it is better to make the most of it and use it to our advantage rather than let the industry rule us, and make us paranoid about our real life relationships and real life sex. After all, isn't the porn industry there to simulate just that? Not the other way around.

    Posted by Emma on 19 July 2011  |  25 people found this useful

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  • Wooooawww!! To lots of the womens comments on here, being a women myself, porn should not be an issue! If he watches it a lot, just remember he's coming back to you at night, no one else, if he would rather watch porn than have sex THEN there's a problem
    And remember, if you can't beat them, join them! I love watching porn!!

    Posted by Lauren on 20 April 2011  |  12 people found this useful

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All Responses

  • In my early 20's I was in a long term relationship with a guy. We lived together. One day while cleaning I came across some of his porn dvd's. I was shocked, sicked and felt betrayed. I confronted him and asked him to leave because felt he had cheated on me. Why would he use porn when he had me? HHe promised not to watch it again so we got back together for a little while and ended up separating a few years after. When he left I came across another stash of his porn and once again felt betrayed!

    Im now in my early 30s, settled in a relation with children.
    Me and my current partner watch porn together. I feel very comfortable doing so. I think because im comfortable with him and was able to discuss it first it made it easier to suggest it to him.. YES, after my prudish behaviour. YES, I suggested to him!!!! We like different things and are accommodating to each other.

    Ive realised that porn is harmless when used in the right circumstances. It spices things and gives us ideas. Its a tool we use just as we do with sex toys. Nothing to be ashamed of. Its all behind closed doors and no one is getting hurt.
    Im still prudish tho ;-)

    Posted by H on 28 October 2013  |  1 person found this useful

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  • I'm 25 and my bf is 24. Our sex life dwindled just like every other live in couple from once-twice day to once in ten-fifteen days. Whatever. My problem is he searches for porn videos and naked pics of almost each and every good looking celebrity (actor/singer/sport s personalities anyone really!) he sees on tv. Its gotten to such a point that I feel uncomfortable even watching movies with him without feeling that the next thing he'll do is go online and start his business. Is this normal? Do all men do this? I don't mind him looking up porn videos of porn stars (that's their job duh) but almost everyone he sees on tv? Isn't that a bit immature and obsesisve? Am I overracting?

    Posted by Sunshine on 24 August 2013  |  0 people found this useful

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  • I have this problem! I've made my boyfriend make the choice: me or porn. I didn't have a problem with him watching it at first before we had sex but then he had stopped watching it. Which was fine, but I caught him on it a few times when I'd offered him sex and he refused. Which made me draw the line. I've offered to watch it with him and he declined. So the choice had to be made, it made me feel insecure and worthless. One time I was really turned on, and he told me he wasn't in the mood. So I decided to go for a shower, I came upstairs forgetting something and there he was finished a wank and cum all over his hands. I was so mad. I think porn can be healthy and fun in a relationship as long as it doesn't take over like it had in mine. Hope that helps!

    Posted by Karen on 13 January 2012  |  4 people found this useful

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  • it doesn't matter girls, if a guy watches porn a lot that doesnt mean that he thinks any less of you. sometimes it's because the boy isnt sexually satisfied, but unless you're stringing him along then it shouldnt be the case.
    face it, he was watching porn before you and he will be after, dont worry about him watching it during your relationship

    Posted by Mike on 30 October 2011  |  2 people found this useful

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