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Question

i feel ashamed after sex, i feel dirty and as though I've done wrong... why can this be?

Sharon on 24 July 2009 5 Comments

Popular Responses

  • You haven't mentioned anything about yourself or your background. I was brought up a Catholic, although not a strict one, and whilst my parents are great and sex was never a taboo subject at home, I think that I must have developed a sense of "wrong" from somewhere as I have felt like this before. I think that there is an immense pressure for young people to have sex and for people in general to be open-minded and try many things. I have found that there are things that I have tried that have made me feel cheap and dirty, and as a few posters have mentioned, not being with the "right partner" has made these feelings worse in the past. Another thing that plagued me is that the primary function of sex is to make a baby, and I felt ashamed because that is not what I was trying to do. I now know of course that there is nothing wrong with that, but in my late teens it felt wrong. There are many reasons you can feel dirty or ashamed after sex, but fundamentally it is your body and your decision. With a loving partner, a lot of these worries dissolve. As someone else has mentioned, I found that sharing my anxieties with my partner helped to allay my fears and helped me to enjoy sex. I hope this helps.

    Posted by Louise on 15 September 2009  |  3 people found this useful

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  • You are definately not ready for sex. You are bound to feel like this if you are not in such a close, loving relationship. In fact, how you feel after sex may let you know whether you are in the right sort of relationship. Or maybe you just aren't a sexual person!

    Posted by Holly on 12 August 2009  |  1 person found this useful

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All Responses

  • I may be totally wrong here, but I can identify with the feelings of being dirty after sex, my feelings of disgust come from having been raped. If you have been through any kind of sexual abuse/assault that could be the reason.

    Posted by Shan on 21 July 2011  |  0 people found this useful

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  • You haven't mentioned anything about yourself or your background. I was brought up a Catholic, although not a strict one, and whilst my parents are great and sex was never a taboo subject at home, I think that I must have developed a sense of "wrong" from somewhere as I have felt like this before. I think that there is an immense pressure for young people to have sex and for people in general to be open-minded and try many things. I have found that there are things that I have tried that have made me feel cheap and dirty, and as a few posters have mentioned, not being with the "right partner" has made these feelings worse in the past. Another thing that plagued me is that the primary function of sex is to make a baby, and I felt ashamed because that is not what I was trying to do. I now know of course that there is nothing wrong with that, but in my late teens it felt wrong. There are many reasons you can feel dirty or ashamed after sex, but fundamentally it is your body and your decision. With a loving partner, a lot of these worries dissolve. As someone else has mentioned, I found that sharing my anxieties with my partner helped to allay my fears and helped me to enjoy sex. I hope this helps.

    Posted by Louise on 15 September 2009  |  3 people found this useful

    Flag as inappropriate
  • You are definately not ready for sex. You are bound to feel like this if you are not in such a close, loving relationship. In fact, how you feel after sex may let you know whether you are in the right sort of relationship. Or maybe you just aren't a sexual person!

    Posted by Holly on 12 August 2009  |  1 person found this useful

    Flag as inappropriate
  • i have felt the same way as you have done before. but that's only because i wasnt confident enough with the whole idea of different postions and if i did one i felt dirty and cheap after. however, as time goes on you become more relaxed and it all just gets a lot easier. and trust me. . . . feels a lot better to! you will be thinking. . . god what was i worrying about :) x

    Posted by amelia on 01 August 2009  |  0 people found this useful

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